Justin and I have been together for 17 years. We rarely use the word "love", "husband" or "wife". Many years ago, we came to the understanding that a relationship is more than the word love. The institution of marriage is more than the paper you acquired. With the invention of social media, however, as soon as your relationship status changes, all hell breaks loose.
Several years back, Justin and I changed the way we viewed our relationship. So, we decided to start calling each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" again. Additionally, to "make it official" and even more hilarious, we changed our relationship status from "married" to "in a relationship". Our hope was to positively influence those around us. In one minute, that status change started a mudslinging event we never anticipated.
Literally within seconds, we had roughly 15 comments each asking what had happened to our marriage; asking if either of us had some place to go. Offering to watch the kids if we needed help. Sending apologies and condolences. We received a few phone calls. Most surprisingly, some even went so far as to post one was not good for the other. It was preposterous, degrading, depressing and eye opening, to say the least.
Break ups used to be a semi-private affair. You called in a few of your besties and they helped you dry your tears, say some choice words about your ex for your benefit, drank a bottle of wine with you and supported you through the first few tough weeks. Finding a new loved one was a joyous occasion... probably celebrated with more wine, planned group dates, discussing silly quirks of the new love interest, finding out their astrological sign and imagining a new future. Word of mouth about a new relationship treated the experience slow and sweet. It also treated a break up with compassion and you could be selective about who you shared your pain with in tolerable segments. Social media has put a new spin on things.
I have seen nasty divorces become a world-wide event. I have seen new love interests become victims of cyberstalkers. Instagrams of what someone did with their ex-boyfriend's belongings are immediately posted. Negative and positive comments start to fly as fast as the fingers can post them. Wives/husbands begin critiquing the Friends list to remove ex in-laws from possible retaliation. Daughters and sons have verbally assaulted their own parents concerning a new love interest, and will even un-friend their own family members. Men take pictures of themselves with their new younger wives as a weapon against their older ex-wife. Regardless of demographic, anyone and everyone can either become a social media star, or it's victim, in moments.
As the saying goes, the star that burns the brightest usually burns the shortest". Social media turns today's news into yesterday's news in one hour.
(THIS IS WHERE I HAVE STOPPED FOR NOW)
I think that this is a strong start. The comparison between relationships in social media and face-to-face interactions really shows the effect of different media on meanings and relationships. Your personal experience is a good example of the negative effect that social media can have on friendships. I can imagine that the immediate backlash to a minor change in your relationship status was shocking and upsetting. You could go more in depth on how the limited privacy of social media changes relationships. You can also further analyze how labels affect the way we perceive or participate in relationships, and then analyze social media’s use of labels. How has this changed friendships, family dynamics, and romantic relationships?
ReplyDeleteSmiittie, your story is very sad and hurtful, but I like your language style and I want to tell you that you are very good storyteller. I like this sentence: “With the invention of social media, however, as soon as your relationship status changes, all hell breaks loose.”
ReplyDeleteI think 17 years is the long time for you and your boyfriend. Sometimes media help us: warm conversation by phone, on Facebook, romantic SMS and so on, but sometimes media hurts us: no call, no good conversation, and no messages. And we begin to understand: “No love”! It is sad.
I wish you good luck, Smittie!
I really like your comparison of the old situation where you were comforted by few of your closest friends during a breakup in comparison the new media of Facebook publicizing the breakup to anyone be it a best friend or an acquaintance or a coworker. You can probably go in depth as to how this new social media can create the misunderstandings because like how we read Phaedres written speech is defenseless. Also maybe avoid as much as possible from using first person view because I know Ms. Milliken will dock points off since its sounds less "academic." Other than that, excellent explanation as to how social media is changing relationships.
ReplyDeleteGreat great start and analysis! I really like when you said: " Word of mouth about a new relationship treated the experience slow and sweet. It also treated a break up with compassion and you could be selective about who you shared your pain with in tolerable segments. Social media has put a new spin on things." I would go into a little more depth about this "new spin".
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would maybe talk about how since pop culture in new media is so common, how it may put pressure on people to post those sorts of things online, which in turn makes them vulnerable online. I hope that makes sense... Like think about this. We have the choice, the option to post "relationship status'" or not. If there is going to be a s*** storm for posting something about it online, then why do people feel the need to post it at all?... I think it's because pop culture is shoving it in our face that we "have" to post it online for everyone to see rather calling up those few friends and dealing with it in a more gentle way.
I love that you incorporated your own personal story into the paper, it really adds to it!
I don't know if it works as an academic essay, but I do think it works pretty well as a commentary on how the speed of information spreading can be. On one hand it's very good at getting the truth out, on the other hand, it's also good at spreading total crap before it can be debunked.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could spin the story into an analysis about how the internet spreads both good and bad information and how you think it can be used to diminish/disprove the bad info out there while still keeping the good stuff circulating. That'd probably make it feel more like an essay than the (Rather funny, but still) personal antectdote it does to meas of now.